I try and spend time being grateful for the things in my life. I have spent a lot of time writing about gratitude. The things I am grateful for are varied. Sometimes the things I am grateful for are things I don’t have. I don’t have cancer, I am grateful for that. One thing that I am grateful that I longer have are expectations. I am grateful I at least try to have no expectations of others.
For the most part I no long have expectations of people. Outside of my parents and brother, I don’t have many people I expect much out of. I used to have expectations of people. I no longer see any point to that.
In my mind having expectations of people are nothing but trouble. When we expect things of our friends, or even strangers we are putting so much of our bias and our attitudes onto them. This is not fair. We know very little of what their journey is like, they do not deserve the burden of our expectations. I simply realize people will behave as they will behave, and it has nothing to do with me. An expectation of a person sets my brain up for things, things I don’t need.
An expectation is an opportunity for disappointment. I expect nothing out of our political leaders in this country. They never disappoint me. Without expectation there cannot be disappointment. I just see no point in it. Having expectation allows for disappointment, but at the same time does it offer any benefit? I can’t think of much benefit to expectation. Our actions and responses to the actions of others need not be colored by expectation. I view this as a more peaceful simpler path of thinking.
I say all this without any negativity towards anyone else. It has not really changed how I interact with people much. I simply realize they will act as they will act and it has little to do with whatever narrative is in my head. I think expectations are partially about narrative. They narrative we tell ourselves really colors things. I try and treat things as they are and not as I would like them to be. I think that is sane. I don’t think it’s a commentary on another person. I don’t view other people in a negative light, I just don’t see it to be wise to expect anything of other people.
Thinking we know how people will behave and expecting something is a trap. We don’t know what is going on their heads. We know very little about other people’s lives, even people we see every day. We must also remember that our place in other people’s lives may be far larger or far smaller than we realize. They might not fulfill an expectation because we are not even on their radar. Without knowing much about these people and their values, we really can’t create a valid narrative of expectation if we tried.
So much of life is about narrative. The narrative in our head guides us. I try and control that. Part of that is not expecting things and just reacting to what is. It makes sense to me, and helps give me peace. I am just grateful I am doing my best to give up the burden of expectations.