It is not uncommon to turn on the tv and see an interview with someone the host touts as a “self-made” billionaire. The story is usually about how someone created some company or skill that earned them a billion dollars. They did not inherit their billion dollars, so that makes them “self-made.” Undoubtedly these efforts are remarkable, and a great display of effort. The term “self-made” well I don’t know what to think about that. Can anyone be a “self-made” anything?
The cults of personality like to build a myth around these “self-made” folks. They say that they did it all on their own. This person against the odds and without an inheritance did some great thing. While this is true to a degree, I would say that none of these people did it alone. While a lot of their success is due to their creativity, effort, and grit, everyone still has help. Too often these cults of personality build up to the point where some “self-made” person is reported to have done everything on their own. That they didn’t need anyone, they had it all within themselves. These stories seem to me to be ego, legend making, and flat out lies. I can admit being “self-made” does make a good story for a 5 minute television segment though, even if it is not true.
I can’t believe most people didn’t have help on their paths to success. How is success even possible without help? At the very least even if you are “self-made” you had to have had some customers or clients. At some point in time someone or a lot of someones had to decide to do some business with you instead of someone else. These people made you, you’re not “self-made.” Most businesses have multiple founders or some employees. Steve Jobs wasn’t a “self-made” billionaire, Steve Wozniak made Steve Jobs, and Jobs made Wozniak. Successes don’t happen in isolation.
People that are “self-made” and claim to have done it all on their own seem to be delusional to me. They have lost touch with the true story of how they found their successes. There could be a host of reasons for this. Ego could be at play. Narcissism could be at play at well. They could also have just forgotten all the people that have helped them along the way. Being “self-made” is a good story for the TV but its just a fairy tale.
Could believing this fairy tale lead us astray? I am not a success, I have no money, and to become a success I must be “self-made.” In some way I must be “self-made” in the ways people talk about being “self-made.” I have no one from which to inherit millions. I have no powerful friends that will drop success into my lap for me being a good guy. I must be “self-made.” My story of success must follow the path that many of these “self-made” people followed. Believing the stories and legends though, that will lead me into places I don’t want to be. I cannot believe I will do this success thing all on my own.
I will never be a “self-made” success. Thinking that I can do it all on my own is just poison. There are too many people who have helped me already. My parents have helped time and time again in so many ways, both profound and small. At 35 years old, I am still getting constant help from my parents. I have great friends that have shown kindness beyond anything I could deserve. Before I was even born my grandparents were helping me by building and creating families that have given me so much support. Being “self-made”, acting like I did ANYTHING in life by myself is a slap in the face to all these people. I have been helped by so many people that I can’t even list them all or remember them all. Taking credits for my successes, acting like I did them all, that is just something I can’t do. There is so much credit that must go to others, I get so much help all the time. Even if I could be “self-made” in any sense of the word, I wouldn’t want to be.
Even if I could make myself into something, into some sort of success all by myself, doing so would make me a moron. I have so much help available to me. I have great family, I have great friends, how could I not accept their support? Their emotional support and friendship is of value beyond anything that could possibly be quantified. Beyond that, there is so much help I could call on. I could call upon others to be co-founders in a company with me. I could go to writers groups where we help each other edit and shape our next books. I could go to a coworking studio and bounce ideas off a hundred smart people. Doing any of these things stops me from being “self-made.” I can’t imagine wanting to be “self-made.”
I think this thought can be transferred to other things. Why would I want to be “self-taught” at anything when there is help available. Yes, you can learn things on your own, and learning on your own is partially a part of the process. There are resources and others available to you that will help you. And even if you don’t use those resources, you still got help. If you learned to program a computer, did you write the book you learned from? Did you build the computer? Did you smelt the iron to build the transistors? Thinking we do things on our own, and that we are “self made” or “self-taught” or “self-anything” what does that even mean?
Maybe thinking we did it on our own is a matter of ego. Some people don’t want admit they had help. Maybe we forgot who helped us along the way. There can be a lot of solitude in our journeys, but that doesn’t mean we were ever alone. We can play an instrumental role in our stories. We can be the lead actor, but this is not a one man play. Losing sight of that is to become something I don’t want to be. I can’t imagine doing anything on my own or even trying to. I can’t imagine how it is even possible. I hope I never say I was “self-made” or let other people stick this title on me. I don’t want to forget how things really happened. Other people matter in my story. My journey is not alone, and it never has been.